My daughter was born still on November 12, 2017 at 12:17pm. She weighed 3 pounds and 10 ounces and was 14 inches long. I carried her for 41 weeks and 4 days until she was induced into labor.
When I was 15 weeks pregnant our daughter was diagnosed with Anencephaly, an extremely rare neural tube defect that prohibited her skull and brain to fully form.
My husband and I were informed that she would not make it. That she was not, "Compatible with life".
There was no reason why this happened, it’s not genetic, it just simply happens.
We went from being hopeful, excited and elated parents thinking of our baby’s future to the extreme opposite. Looking death straight in the eyes, being forced to face the question of whether to keep going or not.
We were given two pieces of paper. One, was about the services of Planned Parenthood and information about abortion. The second, was about a local non-profit that would support us if we decided to continue the pregnancy.
Imagine, you child's very existence being decided by two pieces of paper.
Either way, Wendy would not make it.
However, I felt it in my heart, bones and soul that we needed to keep going. We needed to make the most of the time that we had with her. Include her in everything we do, take her places and dote on her. Treat her the way she deserved. Be our daughter.
We created many beautiful memories, ones that will never fade.
Her birthday was the happiest day of my life. But, once I let her go, the world transformed into this bleak, colorless, lifeless reality. Once she was gone, my world turned to ashes.
The days, weeks and months after were indescribably painful. Something I do not wish on my worst enemy.
Loss of this magnitude affected everything. I had to learn to navigate through the ashes and learn to live with this pain. Forced to adapt.
This loss is something that I will carry for the rest of my life. But, the experience, time and memories I had with my daughter is something I will never regret. I am grateful for everything and for all the days I had with her.
I am grateful that we had time.
I am grateful that she was ours.
I am grateful for Wendy.
Wendy is a beautiful baby, she is my baby and I am proud to be her mommy.
I know that some of you may feel like you’re alone. The fear of your baby being forgotten paralyzes you. I get it.
But you are not alone. You matter and your baby matters.