When I lost my daughter one of my biggest fears was that she would be forgotten. The thought paralyzed me.
So, I tried to think of every possible thing we could do to ensure that fear would never come true. I made a point to incorporate our daughter in everything we do. We talk about her as much as we can. I didn't care if it made other people uncomfortable, it was something that helped me.
I compiled this list in hopes that it would help others make the most of their baby's memory. Because your baby matters and it lived.
#10 Create a memory garden
My mom created this beautiful little garden above, for my daughter, and my niece would water it with such care. It brings so much joy to my heart knowing that someone else is making an effort to dedicate something to my daughter.
#9 Customize jewelry
There is a necklace I had a friend make me in honor of my daughter and I wear it everyday. It's a very simple petite necklace that reminds me of my tiny little miracle.
#8 Customize a Christmas ornament
The first holidays are the hardest, but include your baby. Customize an ornament just for them, so they have a place during your families celebration.
#7 Have friends and family write notes to you or baby
This was very special to me. I had all of my friends and family write notes to me, my husband or Wendy. They wrote encouraging words, prayers, bible verses or love notes to our daughter. I compiled them all into a frame and it's one of my favorites.
#6 Host a Making Memories Party (this can replace a Baby Shower if your baby is diagnosed with a fatal condition)
My daughter was diagnosed with a neural tube defect when was 15 weeks pregnant. Hosting a baby shower was a dream I had to surrender, instead my mom hosted a Making Memories party. Instead of bringing gifts, people brought books for us to read to Wendy. That day was filled with joy and I will never forget it.
#5 Pictures, pictures and more pictures
Don't be afraid to put pictures of your baby all over your house. It is your baby, and it will always be a part of your family, no matter what. We have pictures of our daughter all over! However, if this is something you do not feel comfortable doing don't force yourself. Give yourself grace.
#4 Grow a tree in honor of baby
This can be incorporated with your memorial garden, but growing a tree in honor of your baby is such a beautiful thing. You can even start to grow a tree right when your baby was born so they can grow together. Or plant a fully grown tree so you can rest in the shade during those hard days.
#3 Paint something that reminds you of your baby
Not everyone likes to paint, but it is a therapy for me. Painting anything that comes to mind when you think of your baby, or something that you envision about your baby can bring peace to your heart.
#2 Crate a library dedicated to your baby for your other children to enjoy
When my husband and I had our Making Memories party for Wendy, we had everyone bring her a book. We read to her all the time when I was pregnant, but I also wanted to create a Wendy Library for our future children to enjoy. It helps me think that they will be connected somehow. It may seem silly for some, but I think it's a very sweet idea.
#1 Include your baby in everything you do
To me this was the most important that that my husband and I did with Wendy. In everything you do and everywhere you go include your baby. This will help create consistency and help you remember that your baby is here, your baby is resting in your heart.